


Melvin, The Magical Beard

by bitchylecter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Beards (Facial Hair)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1994685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchylecter/pseuds/bitchylecter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah, I should go outside a little more often.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Melvin, The Magical Beard

Once upon a time, there was a magical beard named Melvin, Melvin lived on the face of Adam Lambert - who’s the fabbest bitch alive - Melvin had the special power to grow extraordinarily fast, he grew very quickly, and no matter how much his owner, Adam, shaved; he would just grow back in the matter of a couple hours.

“Ugh, what am I going to do with you, Melvin?” Adam asked his scruffy beard. Melvin didn’t say anything, since he’s a beard and beards don’t talk.

Adam grabbed his shaving cream and lathered it onto his facial hair.

“Why do you have to be so difficult? Dammit!” He picked up his razor and shaved his scruff off. He washed his face and did his makeup.

“Now, be a good beard stop growing so fast!”

*The Next Day*

Melvin had already grown back into a fully grown beard. Adam was livid, who gave his beard the right??

Adam tried to do everything that he could to stop Melvin from growing as fast as he did - he was unsuccessful, though. Melvin was determined to grow impossibly fast. He loved Adam’s face. He never wanted to leave.

“Melvin, I have a concert with Queen tonight. Please, just stay off my face for at least one night.” Melvin didn’t say anything, since he’s a beard and beards don’t say shit. But Melvin silently disagreed.

By the time the concert was nearly over, Melvin had grown back. 

“Oi mate, whats up with that beard you got there? I thought ya shaved!” Brian May, Queen’s guitarist said to Adam after the concert.

“Well, I did. But he - IT grew back…” Adam told Brian, shaking his head.

“You might wanna get it checked, laddy.” He ruffled Adam’s hair.

“Ok, I will.” Adam said.

The next morning, Adam went to the Doctor’s and got his beard checked out.

“So, by late evening, your beard’s fully grown back?” The doctor asked him.

“Yup.” Adam said.

“That’s strange. What are you eating?” The doctor got out his stethoscope and checked Adam’s heart.

“Kale.” Adam told him.

“Well, stop eating so much kale and maybe your beard will stop growing so fast.” The doctor told him.

“B-but I love kale! Kale is love, kale is life!” Adam whinged to his doctor, but he wouldn’t understand.

“Look, only for a week. Then come back and we’ll see if that helps.” He patted Adam’s back.

“Alright…” Adam left the Doctor’s office, moping about how unfair it was to not be able to eat kale for a whole week.

Adam did what his doctor told him, and, it turned out that the kale was the reason his beard was growing so fast. Since then, Adam has lowered the amount of kale he eats. He told Brian the good news, and Brian was overjoyed. Melvin wasn’t too pleased, though. The kale Adam ate was his source of power. He’d do anything to get revenge on the doctor who told Adam to stop eating the kale. But, alas, Melvin is a beard - And beards can’t do nor say shit.


End file.
